“I’m no longer afraid!“
Jas – Did you used to be this joyful?
(Conversations with Trisha often include belly laughs)
Pris – No! I used to live in fear. I’ve always been compassion-ate, but compassion comes effortlessly now.
Jas – What changed for you?
Pris – Now I use Dharma to look at the deeper issues. I’m no longer afraid! No matter what happens to me no-one can take that away from me.
“I’m a strong woman now”
These teachings are second to none. You know what? I apply these teachings and they really work, they really do. I can control my mind by looking at my attachments. For awhile I felt so lonely, because I realised that no-one really knew me.
Jas – Yeah, I was there last year. It makes you re-evaluate yourself and your friendships, doesn’t it.
Pris – Sure does. When you change, all your relationships change.
Jas – And now?
Pris – My experience has been a roller coaster! I started seeing a pattern of how I related to men. My relationships with men were based on fantasy rather than reality. Now I’m more realistic.
“The Dharma has shown me the true nature of love without attachment”
So now I’m getting deeper into the Dharma. I come to classes regularly. I’ve realised there’s nothing else. There’s no-where else to hide anymore, no-where else to go. This is it. There is nothing else. That made me feel lonely, and I’m working on this now. It’s very grounding and sobering.
Jas – That takes real courage.
Pris – Nothing’s gonna change unless I change my mind. That takes faith and effort. Part of me can’t be bothered ~ I just want somebody to be with. Sometimes I just wished I was dead. Then I stepped back, chilled out, and got more into Dharma.
Jas – How did that help?
Pris – The Dharma gave me structure. It stopped me falling into the abyss. Life became quite structured. Being with other Buddhists; trying to put the teachings into practice in my life; being receptive to the teachings… it all helped me to deal with my attachment and delusions, and distance me from the pain they cause.
Jas – How would you summarise what you’ve learnt so far?
Pris – It’s not other people who are the problem, it’s my mind. Realizing that has made such a big impact on my life. And the thing is, that with these realizations come wisdom.
~ Once you’ve got that wisdom you can’t go back, you can’t lose it.
About: Priscilla has been a massage therapist for 20 years. Her work includes deep tissue massage and hotstone massage. Pris practices at a clinic in Stonehouse, and does home visits around the local area. I know her from Amitabha Centre, Bristol, where we both attend classes.