Alone isn’t so Lonely

Being by yourself isn’t a bad thing

– even at Christmas.
Despite popular belief,
alone-ness isn’t akin to loneliness.
Rather than the sadness and desolation of unwished for isolation; being alone allows us the freedom and space to really be ourselves.

There’s just something about this time of year that brings the ‘alone’ thing into sharp focus. It seems unnatural, somehow, to be quiet at a time of festivity. The well-meant concern of others, and their sympathy for our perceived loss, makes it feel like we should really be out there, having fun.

As one of my mate’s mum said this morning, “Christmas is such a weird time. People think that everybody’s partying, and they’re not! It’s certainly nothing to get unhappy about if you’re not. It’s such a palava about nothing! Our Tricia’s gone to Gibralta just to escape it all!”

Can’t say i fancy that, but away from the fuss n’bother, there’s another, quite different side of life, that finds happiness from another source.

-_-

to live alone is to live in mindfulness

As Tich Nhat Hanh says, “to live alone is to live in mindfulness, free from worries about the past and future. We enjoy life as we live it right now.”

Whether we’re alone at Christmas (or just generally) by choice or chance; it’s our choice whether that’s a good or bad thing. Gotta admit, I’m comfortable with it.
If we can feel content in our own company, our body and mind can find their own balance. We find our thinking becomes clearer, and things start to make more sense. In this spacious environment, our minds become peaceful and free.

Yes, being faced with our own mind can get a little unnerving at times. That’s why so many people hate silence, and being alone. We’re all haunted by negative minds; but the trick is to apply loving kindness, both to ourself and others. The demons often dissolve into a peaceful, loving mind. If they persist (and bad minds do tend to be persistent little buggers) don’t give into them! That’s the joy of silence – a chance to sort our own mind out. * more on that later * Just be patient, and relax into it best you can.

And spending time alone doesn’t mean we’re anti-social, or are rejecting folk.
It just gives us space to unwind, relax, and settle back into the love for others we can find in our hearts. The space we have created allows us to cultivate that love. “When they listen to the song of their heart they find more love and compassion enter their dealings with others. This allows listening and real communication.” (top7business.com) This means that when we’re with others again, we are truly happy to be in their company; and we have just so much love to give 🙂 This good energy comes right back at us, as well.

: )

Shantideva’s forest retreat

See also:

to ‘lonely’ from Israel (and everywhere else) letter to my lonely visitors

Make Friends with Loneliness pt 2 of this lonely vs. alone series

How to be Alone ace video on you tube
T ich Nhat Hanh the space of alone

(I’m never that sure about the monks letting a suicidal farmer walk away – but the story makes a good point. Tich says that many of people’s toxic excesses – things like food, intoxicants and sex – are abused just to escape from the loneliness they feel. But it so doesn’t have to be like that.

As Jill Bolte (neuro-scientist) says “in this moment, we are perfect, we are whole, and we are beautiful.“

-_-

Buddhist meditation:

The Daily LamRim Meditation Challenge pt 1

Dont be fooled by Christmas

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

nb. if you know someone who’s on their own this Christmas, even if they’re not online, please share this with them. No-one should feel bad being on their own at Christmas.

6 Comments (+add yours?)

Trackback: to ‘lonely’ from Israel (and everywhere else) « Cosmic Loti
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